Praying isn't something I really do. I'm not an atheist, but it just doesn't feel right to pray only when I need something so I try not to. I just don't know what else to do and praying seems like a good idea nowadays. I feel really pathetic being stuck on someone for so long. I don't tell anyone about it because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. Most days I just feel like dying. It makes me so incredibly sad that I've reached this point again in my life. I just want to be able to see what my life is like in 5 years and know if everything's okay or not.
I'm just really not happy at this point in my life. I hate being that forgettable person. I hate being taken advantage of. I hate being alone all the time. I hate how I'm the one hurting when you're the one who chose to come in and out of my life at your convenience. I hate how I couldn't even find a second job this summer. I hate not being given a chance to prove something. I feel like I've contributed nothing to this society and that I never will. My life has not been worth living.
I wish I was worth it to someone. Worth the work and time and pain. I would give you everything you ever wanted, but you don't even care. I guess this is like karma for all the shit I did my entire life. I'm sorry I'm such a shitty person. I don't know why I am. I just want to find whatever it is that'll give me happiness in this life. Or something to take this overwhelming sadness away. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to sleep and eat. Working out 4 hours a day cause nothing else will take my mind off of you. How did it get to this point? Never in a million years did I think I would be where I am today.
I don't know. I just needed somewhere to vent. And I didn't want to bug all these people on other social networking sites with my petty bullshit so I guess you'll just be my little confidant, blogspot. I'm sorry I neglected you for so long, but I'm back baby!
